Report from Chris Smith
The missing lynx
From Simon Pia's Diary in the Scotsman 19 th February 2002
ONE of our rural rebels calls with an update on Operation Lynx.
"The vehicle transporting lynx for release in our wild places was pulled over by the constabulary on the motorway near Abington in Dumfriesshire in the wee sma' oors of Saturday morning
"Luckily, the lynx were already out on their new fox-hunting duties."
The animal transporter was instead carrying skunk for delivery to Scotland's leading skunk fanciers.
"We have sold 22 to good homes in recent months," animal dealer Trevor Lay informed our man.
"They make affectionate and intelligent pets. They are related to the ferret."
But what about the smell? "In each case we have removed their scent glands," says Mr Lay.
Which, we surmise, is rather pointless if the revolting peasantry aim to release them on the Mound or in Bute House.
The Scotsman, 2002
That Wendy feline
From Simon Pia's Diary in the Scotsman 6 th March 2002
THIS is indeed a Diary with a difference. Not only do we offer our readers free whisky or even free lunches, but also livestock. Two lynx to be exact. A good home is sought with a "biggish enclosure".
Eco-guerrilla Peter Clarke, sometimes of this parish and exhausted Scottish correspondent for The Erotic Review, makes the generous offer.
An evangelist for restoring ScotlandŐs extinct creatures - bear, bison, beaver, boar and some others not beginning with b - he even tried to get the backing of Gordon Brown. Introduced by Clarke to the Slovenian ambassador, the Chancellor seemed somewhat amused at the offer of two of their bears - called Tony and Cherie - but was non-committal.
As for the two female lynx - described as "stunningly beautiful" - they are called Helen and Wendy, after the Secretary of State and Minister for Everything.
Meanwhile, Clarke is impatient with Scottish Natural Heritage. "Our quango that looks after the birds and the bees is too busy filling in forms to evangelise for the repopulation of our wilderness areas."
"And with our Mound masters abolishing fox hunting, the only natural predator to the fox will need to be released for patrol duties."
Clarke also points out the lynx is every way as adaptive as the urban fox. One was caught in Tottenham last November.
Meanwhile, his own favourite for release on the moors is the moose or elk. If successful, we will addressed him in future as Clarke of that Elk.
The Scotsman, 19 th February 2002 and 6 th March 2002
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